Music is powerful. Songs are powerful. Sometimes they inspire, sometimes they entertain, and often they influence how we feel. For many people, music is also linked to memory. A song comes on, and you are reminded of that time when you did something with friends or loved ones, you might be reminded of important moments in your life. And sometimes music can prompt us to reflect.
This blog isn’t really about music. I wouldn’t want to claim I know much about music at all, let alone attempt to teach anyone about it (IYKYK), but I do listen to it and I have favourites… or, to be more specific, I have favourite lyrics. This blog is about one of those. (There are bound to be more blogs on other verses of songs I enjoy, but not today.) This blog is about a song, a song that regularly prompts me to reflect. It’s called Proud. The song is by Heather Small. Released in 2000, it was the official song of the London 2012 bid. This context is the main reason I like it. Once you listen to the lyrics, it becomes clear why the song was chosen for the city’s quest to host an event like the Olympics. But it’s not only suitable for that.
The chorus asks the question, 'What have you done today to make you feel proud?' And then reassures, 'It’s never too late to try.' Only to repeat the question, 'What have you done today to make you feel proud?'
I love this because in the context of coaching, this is about taking action. It’s about doing the things that will get you closer to where you want to go and who you want to be, closer to the goal you are trying to achieve. It also doesn’t ask, What have you done well today? It asks, 'What have you done that has made you proud?’ I like it because the answer to that question is different for every single one of us.
Here is an incomplete list of things that people might be proud of today:
Doing something you have never done, or something you haven’t done for a long time
Getting your training session done, despite it looking too hard on the plan
Asking someone on a date
Speaking up in a meeting
Getting out of bed, getting dressed, and starting the day
Asking for a pay rise
Saying ‘no’ to someone or something that you would normally have said ‘yes’ to.
Completing or handing in an assignment
Remaining patient when you would normally get restless
….
What would it be for you?
These are largely examples that suggest you have a goal you want to achieve, such as getting fit, being heard, or having more time to yourself.
But what about who you want to be?
It’s easy to forget that we have influence and that we can keep ourselves on track, or that we can change direction in small daily acts. So, who or what do you want to be or feel?
Here are a few examples - it's not a complete list.
What have you done today to make you feel…
Proud
Calm
Accomplished
Relaxed
Connected
Excited
Confident
…
What have you done today to be…
A good friend
A caring & supportive partner
A loving adult child to your parents
A reliable colleague
A fun aunt or uncle
A hard-working teammate
An inspiring professional
A trustworthy sibling
...
Write your own list. Put it in the notes app on your phone or in a notebook. How do you want to feel, or who do you want to be?
Once you have your list, match each feeling or role with the relevant behaviours.
For example, how would you need to act to feel calm?
Slow down
Notice things
put down the phone during conversations
Spend time outside
Exercise
…
Or, how would you need to act to be a supportive friend?
Chat/ring regularly
Message once a week/month/etc.
Listen to your friend
Ask questions
Remember relevant details of their stories
Ask questions about it next time you see each other
Have your friend’s back, even & especially when they are not around
Be honest when you disagree
I’m not suggesting that this is the only way to be calm or to be a supportive friend. You might have a different view entirely. That is fine. This is simply an invitation to be intentional.
If you want to push this a little further, you can also create a list of things you will NOT do, to be or feel the way you want to. Write yourself a to-do list and a NOT-to-do list, so you can be clear which behaviours are in line with how you want to feel and who you want to be and which ones are not.
As James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, explains, ‘Every action you take is a vote; a vote for the person you want to be, or a vote against the person you want to be.’ What are you voting for?
Be intentional about doing the things that will make you proud, about doing the things that help you be the person you want to be. When I listen to Heather Small’s Proud, I think about what I have done today that makes me feel proud and what I have done today that has helped me be, stay, or become the person I want to be.
This is your invitation to do the same. Use the lyrics of this song (or any other prompt you would find useful) and adjust it to suit you, e.g.:
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
What have you done today to make you feel calm?
What have you done today to be a supportive friend?
What have you done today to be an inspiring teammate?
What have you done today to be a fun aunt/uncle?
What have you done today to make you feel strong?
What have you done today to…?
Write your own question. And use it often.
Remember the second line of the chorus, too, 'It’s never too late to try.' (You can listen to the song here.)
All this is simple, not necessarily easy.
So, if you haven’t quite got to doing what you want to be doing to feel or be a certain way, it is not too late. You can keep working at it. You can start again. No one has to know, but you will notice the difference.
That’s me for another week. I hope you have found this useful or interesting. If you know someone else who might like this post, please share it with them, and together we can spread the word.
And, as always, keen to hear from you. Leave a comment or drop me a message @mankertina or an email.
Key points:
You can be intentional with your actions. It helps you feel and be who you want to be.
Small daily actions make a difference.
Be clear on the behaviours you want to engage in and the ones you do not want to engage in.
Reflective questions:
What is your ‘What have you done today to…’ question?
How do you feel when you don’t act in line with how you want to feel or who you want to be?
How can you tell that you haven’t done that for a while? What do you notice? (use these as warning signs to get yourself back on track and acting in line with your little to-do list)
What are your favourite lines or verses in songs, and why?
References:
Clear, James. Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. Avery, 2018.
Small, Heather. "Proud." Proud, 2000.
